“Fixers” are the true gluttons of misery. it goes back to the idea in the previous post that some of us search in vain for the neat and tidy reasons why people behave the way they do. If you can identify a problem, you can figure out how to solve it. It’s one of the things we’ve been taught throughout our lives. It’s a good lesson, the practice of which, more often than not, results in at least a sliver of progress. That said, it can be mighty harmful, most often to those with the best intentions. Fixers.
I create this post with a specific “fixer” in mind. My oldest sister, despite her seemingly above par self-standards, too often gives herself away to those unworthy. As we’ve gotten older and now, each in full-fledged adulthood, can consider ourselves contemporaries, I’ve come to recognize this sad truth. While she is a hard-working, single mother of two amazing daughters, my sister can not find her worth without being desperately needed by a man. The instinct of being homemaker has completely defeated what should be the strongest instinct of all, self-preservation. The level of self-sacrifice she is willing to endure (all without recognizing that she’s enduring it) is a level of literal selflessness that I could not even imagine. While this trait at times can be admirable, at others, is oh-so-very destructive.
Trying to fix that which cannot be fixed can drive you to many extremes. In my sister’s case, she is bewildered why the rest of us won’t join her mission to rehabilitate the aforementioned unworthy (anyone that knows the history, understands why I call this an extreme). It seems the more desperate the circumstance or outrageous the behavior, the more committed she is to seeing “the fix” through. This goes far beyond any sort of “blind faith” in another human being. It’s far more dangerous. She has absolute proof of the wrong they are capable of, yet still finds a reason to believe. It’s awe inspiring.
I wish there was a way to help. I wish there was a way convince. I understand too much the nature of my sister to try to persuade her to choose a different path. I recognize that it’s going to take something outside of any of my, or the rest of the family’s powers to make her see the critical situation that she is in. All we can do is hope for the best (which means hope that we’re wrong) and/or be there for when it all falls apart…as things often do.